Position: Stay at Home Mom

When we found out I was expecting, amongst a lot of uncertainty, one think I knew was for sure. I wanted to be a stay at home mom. With our oldest, I was not able to have the luxury of staying home and being the homemaker. So with this little guy, I knew thats what I wanted. I couldn't imagine having to leave him with anyone while I worked. I worked with moms who after 3 months, had to return to work and honestly, hats off to them because personally, I could not do it. I don't think that I was mentally prepared for everything that this new position entailed. Yes, I knew I would be able to be home all day in my pajamas and no one would bat an eye at that, (After all- i'm a SAHM)however; it is the single handed most demanding job i've ever had in my LIFE. I don't get to clock in and clock out, no lunch breaks, no sick days, no overtime. I work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Even in my sleep in working! Here we are, 16 months into this new job and I swear, I still haven't gotten it down packed. It's freaking hard. Balancing being a mom, a wife and still maintaining my own identity and sanity has been a challenge I have yet to perfect. I often feel like a circus act trying to balance 5 things in my hand while walking on a big ball and hopping on one leg. Think that's hard, now multiply it by two. That's how I feel most days. There are so many mamas who don't have the opportunity that I have. They have no choice but to return to work and leave their little ones in the care and responsibility of others. I am beyond grateful for the blessing it is to stay home. But… and there is a but… Being a one income house hold means lots and lots of sacrifices. At first, it was cool. No biggie. That means, we can't eat out often, can't go shopping as much, certain things just can't be done. Lately- I've really felt some pressure about not working. The pressure is really just pressure I apply on myself. I hate not being able to go buy June a toy whenever I want to, or having to wait till the next pay period to be able to take the kids bowling. It's tough when you know that if you were working, things would be different. With all that said, I just sat and did a job search and the thought of my son crying while I left him with someone else, made my stomach turn. Obviously- i'm not ready for that big step yet, and that's ok. As a family, we are making temporary sacrifices for what is in the best interest of our little boy. I will continue to look for leads on possible work at home jobs and just go from there. :) Xo